Too often I have let it get on top, envelop and dominate me. Not often enough have I tried some precision, gentleness and letting go.
Surely and slowly I have felt the blues creeping up on me. Tears before being able to get out the front door in the morning, disinterest in what used to spark me, overeating – you know the sort of thing. I am not really bad. I am not after your sympathy. There are many huge positives to make the most of:
- living well in an affluent country
- support from my wonderful partner
- joy in 3 gorgeous children
- a job that pays the bills and more
but ……. but…… there is always the dukkha and I would like to work out how I can live better with this ever present dissatisfaction.
Whereas you probably have no desire to read about the minutiae of my life and the minor depression of a another middle class white male, I hope that getting myself to write about my attempts to look dukkha in the eye will provide some discipline and force clarity of thought and expression. After all, someone out there may be reading what is written!